Carpathia IV: Episode 193 - Giant Butt Cheek
Amenaru's Bedroom, Andrast
After catching up with his family late into the night, Amenaru and Kit both went to bed thoroughly tired, leaving James to re-introduce Sylvar to his room. Though Amenaru fell asleep quickly, it was an anxious sleep, with a fair amount of tossing and turning, with one thought that kept coming back into his head over and over. What were his room and closet like? Yes, in the dim light, he spotted his drum kit before he laid down, but did he really? And what was in his closet?
As dawn's first light shone through the air vents, Amenaru couldn't take any more wondering and rolled out of his bed, first to his knees on the floor and then, bracing himself between the bed and the wall, inched his way up until he was finally standing. From across the room, he saw that his drum set was still there. The first relief. Next, he sleepily staggered to his wardrobe, pinballing himself between the ladder railing and the storage trunk against the wall.
Upon reaching his wardrobe, he gripped the door handle tightly to support himself and, after a wide, toothy yawn, opened it. The rusted hinges creaked as he pulled on the door. Inside, concert t-shirts, torn jeans, and a variety of leather accessories. He wasn't sure why he expected that he might find anything else, but somehow, he was relieved to see his familiar attire inside. From across the room, the bedcovers stirred.
Kit: What... time is it?
A shiver erupted throughout Amenaru's body upon realization that he'd awoken Kit.
Amenaru: Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. It's 5:30.
Kit: What are you doing?
Amenaru looked back at the wardrobe and then back to Kit, sighing deeply.
Amenaru: I don't really know. Somehow, I just had to check my wardrobe to see if it was the way I left it.
Kit: And?
Amenaru: Everything seems normal, I guess.
Kit sat up a little, resting his body on his crooked elbow on the bed and patted Amenaru's spot with his other hand.
Kit: Come on back to bed then.
Amenaru took one last look into his wardrobe, confirming that it is how he remembered, and then cast a glance at his drum set. Satisfied, he returned to the bed and tucked himself under the covers with Kit.
Kitchen, Amenaru's house
With Kit clutching Amenaru's arm, they both descended the stairs to the ground floor. James waved to them both from the kitchen while Meri and Ramses, both at the dining table, devoured their meaty breakfasts.
Ramses: Oh, there you are! Slept late today.
Amenaru: I had a little trouble sleeping until early morning.
James: Come on over here, then. Let's get some food in you.
Amenaru nodded and toddled over to the counter separating the kitchen and dining room to have a seat.
James: Now, let's see. Your doctor sent me information on your dietary needs. Nothing too fatty or too greasy. Turkey bacon?
Amenaru: I'd rather go back to being dead.
James: Good, because we never have that anyway. I'll whip up some eggs and cheese quesadillas. Kit, I made sure to pick up plenty of seaweed noriyaki just for you!
Kit's ears twitched and rotated until finally sliding up the sides of his head to a near vertical position.
Kit: Oh! Thanks so much!
While James tossed ingredients into the skillets, Ramses moved himself and his half-finished plate to the empty chair next to Amenaru while Meri took her dishes to the sink to wash hers.
Ramses: Amenaru, you said last night that Tiggy sent you back in time.
Amenaru: Not her, exactly. She said she had help, but yes.
Ramses: How did she do that?
Amenaru glanced to the back of the house to the bathroom under the stairs, prompting Ramses to do the same.
Amenaru: There was an inter-dimensional time vortex in the potty.
Ramses: Huh. I guess that is a good place to put something swirly.
Meri: It would be a convenient way to get rid of turds.
James reached around and put a plate of noriyaki in front of Kit and turned back to work on Amenaru's eggs.
James: Now, now, let's not talk of turds during breakfast.
After another minute or so, James produced a plate of eggs for Amenaru with promises of cheese quesadillas on the way.
James: How's your noriyaki, Kit?
Kit, having just shoved an entire noriyaki ball into his mouth, smiled and nodded vigorously.
Twenty minutes passed of eating, chatting, and catching up. Both Amenaru and Kit finished their breakfasts, but James insisted on doing the washing up.
James: Dr. Raad should be here any minutes, so you get ready. I'll take care of this.
Amenaru: Well, okay, but I'm not sure what I need to do other than wait.
They did not have to wait long. They all knew when someone approached the door, for even the softest shoes caused the porch to creak. This time it was even more unmistakeable. Whoever came to the door sounded like a giant, with thundering footsteps that didn't even give the poor planks a chance to squeal out in protest. Ramses rushed to the door in anticipation of the doorbell, but there was no need. The door flung open and slammed against the wall with a bang, causing the suits of display armor to shudder and startling all inside. On the other side was a grizzled, orange nekomi, leaning over and clutching the doorjam for support, panting heavily. So much was the shock of his entrance, nobody said anything at first. They could only stare in shock.
Dr. Raad: You know what this dump looks like from the town? It looks like a giant butt cheek of a hill with mangled stetson on top of it. It's an asshat! Your house is an asshat! And I just spent the last 10 minutes climbing up Mt. Asshat just to get to the fucking door! Haven't any of you dickheads heard of a glorious new invention called an elevator?
James approached with trepidation, drying his hands on a towel as he stepped out of the kitchen.
James: Um... you must be Dr. Raad?
Dr. Raad: I don't even know anymore! I think the sweat mixed with the metal plate in my head shorted out half my neurons on the way up! You don't look like the asshat I'm looking for. I doubt they'd let anyone in your shape, and that shape would be a circle, into the fleet.
James looked down and gave his belly a pat.
James: Well...
Unsure of what to do, but unable to run away, Amenaru meekly raised his hand.
Amenaru: Me.
Dr. Raad's eyes widened. Or bulged. At any rate, they moved, even if nobody knew what that meant. He finally stomped inside with his comically bow-legged gait. It was a wonder he could even propel himself forward with the way his knees flew straight out from his sides the way they did.
Dr. Raad: You're the opposite of a circle, aren't ya? I can see why they want you. Perfect for stealth. Turn sideways and you'd disappear. Now, you get some place to lay down and it had better be right here because I'm not going up any damned stairs again!
Meri: I'll pull out the hide-a-bed from the couch.
Ramses: I'll help.
Dr. Raad nodded while he took off his backpack.
Dr. Raad: That'll do. Go lay down.
By the time Amenaru ambled over to the couch, Meri and Ramses already had the hide-a-bed out. With a sigh, wondering what might happen next, Amenaru laid down as he was told. Dr. Raad took off his backpack and set up his little devices on the table.
Dr. Raad: Now just be still. All I'm going to do today is scan you and figure out if we need to do anything further.
Amenaru: Okay.
Dr. Raad began his scans, not that Amenaru knew what any of the devices were. He waved blinky whirly things over his chest and some over his entire body over the course of several minutes while the others watched in silence. This went on for awhile, though Amenaru didn't quite know how long, not being in view of a clock and nobody shouting out times to him. He later learned it was near 45 minutes.
Dr. Raad: Didn't expect much from an on-the-fly heart assembly, but it's not bad. It'll need some adjustments. It's not pumping as efficiently as it could and the right atria is misaligned by 475 microns. It'll be some minor surgery and I can get you in for that tomorrow.
Amenaru: Really? Dr. Teagan said everything was within tolerance.
Dr. Raad: I'm not a very tolerant person. Besides, you want everything as optimal as possible, right?
Amenaru: I suppose so.
Dr. Raad packed his equipment into his backpack.
Dr. Raad: Right, I'll send you directions to my office. I can't do it here and I'm not walking up Mt. Asshat again. In the meantime, eat, drink, and rest. Oh, and avoid any high-voltage encounters. I don't want you disrupting any of these systems. That'll be for a lifetime.
Amenaru: I was afraid of that. I suppose I should transfer out of the Operations position.
Dr. Raad's ears twitched and he suddenly stopped packing his bag.
Dr. Raad: What? No, you fucking nitwit! I'm talking about your butt vibrators! Don't go tinkering with the voltage on those! If that happens again, you'll be lucky if it just sends you flying into the ceiling!
Amenaru suddenly sat straight up, ears twisting and turning on the top of his head.
Amenaru: How do you know about that?
Ramses: Amenaru, everybody knows about that.
Amenaru twisted his head to find Ramses shaking his head and with his arms folded across his chest. Looking around the room, he did not get any reassurance from anyone else either.
Meri: Everybody knows about that.
James: Everybody knows about that.
And thus, for the first time since the "incident," Amenaru finally realized that whenever someone said, "Everybody knows about that," they meant it in every sense of the words.
Commissioned art in this episode from:
AvareonArt
Zelbunnii
Less_End
Thatwildmary
Colourbrand
Falke2009
