Carpathia IV: Episode 17 - Chief Helmsdinosaur
Space, NCCS Shadowdancer, Teek's Quarters
Aire: I didn't think it would be this cold in here.
Aire wrapped his arms around his body and shivered as he looked down at Teek, peacefully sleeping away on his stomach, legs stretched out behind him, while Sorchae fiddled with the temperature controls on the console. As a consolation, Teek had, at least, chosen to wear his underwear during his hibernation, making the situation just a little less awkward. Teren, rubbing his snout, stood at the foot of Teek's bed.
Sorchae: Five degrees is optimal for a komodo hibernation. Before I wake him up, I'll need to raise the temperature to 35 degrees.
After Sorchae finished adjusting the temperature, she joined Aire next to Teek's bed.
Sorchae: Once the room is warm enough, I can give him a stimulant to wake him. Fair warning, it make take some work getting the password out of him. Every komodo is different if you take them out of hibernation too soon, but, bottom line, he is going to be disoriented until he goes back to bed.
Teren: I assume this disorientation is the reason why you have asked me here. At the moment, the threat appears to be minimal.
Sorchae: There are any number of ways he could react. We should be prepared for anything.
Aire: How long do we have?
Sorchae: Around 30 minutes, give or take.
Aire sighed and rested his hand on his hip.
Aire: Should be more than enough time.
Sorchae let out a soft chortle and raised an eyebrow.
Sorchae: Don't be so sure about that.
Aire did not respond and continued to stand by Sorchae's side, still shivering, while the room quickly began to heat up. Soon, the air was of a comfortable temperature, but it quickly surpassed that, leading Aire to wonder if he should have changed from his stuffy uniform to something more comfortable before embarking on this endeavor. Now, Aire began wiping his brow frequently, brushing his soggy hair away from his forehead, desperately trying to keep the sweat from his eyes. Finally, to his relief, Sorchae held up her injector and leaned over Teek.
Sorchae: Please step back, Aire. I don't know what's going to happen.
Aire did as he was told and took two steps back while Sorchae pressed the injector to Teek's arm. Then, she too rushed back to join Aire while Teren remained at the foot of the bed keeping a close watch on Teek. All watched expectantly for several seconds, but nothing changed.
Aire: Maybe he needs a higher...
Teek: BWAH!
Suddenly, like a possessed jack-in-the-box, Teek sprang straight up into the air and landed back on his stomach before scampering all over his bed like a confused animal. Teren jumped in between the two commanders and Teek just in case he lunged at them, which seemed like a real possibility.
Teek: What? What? What? What?
Finally, Teek seemed to calm down as he settled into a seated position on his bed with his legs crossed. He scratched his head and blinked hard several times, finally squinting at Aire and Sorchae, in a desperate attempt to focus.
Teek: Has it been two weeks already?
Aire took a tentative step forward and placed his hand on Teren, gently urging him to step aside.
Aire: Not yet. I'm sorry we had to wake you up, but we need your helm control password.
Teek's mouth twitched as he reached up and picked at one of his chin spikes.
Teek: Password? I don't know any password!
Aire: Your helm password. The one you created for your console.
Teek suddenly stopped picking at his spike and his eyes widened.
Teek: Oh! That password!
Teek shook his head vigorously.
Teek: Nuh uh! I can't tell you that!
Aire, aware of his own growing frustration, did his best to maintain is composure.
Aire: Why not?
Teek looked around as though he were expecting spies to pop out of the walls and then held his hand up to his mouth while he whispered loudly.
Teek: It's a secret! But if you take me to the bridge, I'll input it for you.
Aire rolled his eyes and bit his lip.
Aire: Look, just tell us the password and we can let you get back to sleep.
Teek aggressively folded his arms across his chest and quite conspicuously turned his head to look at the wall.
Teek: Ain't gonna!
Before Aire could retort, he felt Sorchae's hand on his shoulder.
Sorchae: Aire, this will go faster if we just humor him.
Aire thought and grumbled for a moment before deciding to take Sorchae's advice.
Aire: Fine, then. Let's go to the bridge.
Teek suddenly leaped to his feet and jauntily twirled his finger up high.
Teek: To the bridge!
Teek thrust his foot high into the air and brought it down over the edge of the bed, where he subsequently tumbled forward and splat onto the floor below.
Teek: This carpet looks like shit!
Aire rubbed his forehead.
Aire: Ship of misfits... Ship of fools, really.
Teren: Would you like for me to carry him, Commander?
Aire: That would be very helpful, Teren.
The lift doors to the bridge slid open and all eyes turned to the commotion within as Teren emerged, holding Teek's arm around his neck as though he were drunk with Aire and Sorchae following close behind. Teek looked up at his surroundings and gasped, as though he had just entered Shangri-la.
Teek: Is this the bridge?!?
Teren answered, hoping desperately that this situation could now be resolved.
Teren: Yes, Teek. Now will you please...
Before Teren could finish his sentence, Teek bolted away, clearly no longer in need of support, and took up a position where he could see everyone clearly. Triumphantly, he adopted a wide stance and put his hands on his hips.
Teek: Greetings, fellow minions! It is I, Teek Rinc, the almighty helmsdinosaur of the great and powerful NCCS Shady Doughnut!
The others looked at each other, not sure what to make of this.
Ramei: Um, Teek, this is the Shadowdancer.
Teek tipped his head from side to side.
Teek: Sandwich Toaster?
Ramei: Shadowdancer!
Teek jubilantly threw his arms into the air.
Teek: JIZZ CANNON!
Aire grabbed Teek by the shoulders and started steering him toward the helm console.
Aire: Over here, Teek.
Meanwhile, Amenaru pulled out his communicator and started fiddling with the video recorder.
Kit: What are you doing?
Amenaru: Are you kidding? I have to get a video of this.
Kit put his hand over Amenaru's communicator and gently pushed it down while shaking his head.
Amenaru: What? He's been kinda mean to you. I think he might deserve a little embarrassment.
Kit: No. No, he doesn't.
Kit turned back to watch the unfolding drama between Aire and Teek.
Kit: It is funny, though.
Amenaru returned his attention to them as well, just in time to see Aire and Teek in the middle of an argument.
Aire: I will not pull your finger!
Teek: You'll be soooorrrryyyyy!
Aire: No!
Teek lowered his hand and shrugged before letting out a 10 second fart that could be heard three decks away.
Teek: That was the "stop fart" finger. I warned you!
Aire: Just put in the password.
Teek cocked his head, hurling his arms in the air dramatically as he pivoted to his console like a ballerina.
Teek: Fine, jeez.
Teek held his finger up into the air and brought it down with a flourish onto the keypad.
Teek: The first letter is P!
Turning back to Aire, Teek then whispered loudly again, as though he were telling a secret.
Teek: It's a capital P!
Aire: So much for secrecy.
Teek then pressed three more buttons in rapid succession.
Teek: The next three letters are A S S!
Teek broke down into a fit of giggles while Aire simultaneously hoped that this was the real password, so he could get this over with, and not the real password, because it was stupid.
Teek: I spelled "ass!"
After a short time, Teek recovered and typed in the next four letters.
Teek: W O R D! Well, that's boring. But now comes the best part!
Teek dramatically typed in three more letters.
Teek: O N E!
Teek tapped the side of his head with his claw.
Teek: See, I spelled it instead of using the number! I'm so clever.
Nothing happened, and Teek stood where he was, doing nothing.
Aire: Teek, that can't be it. Your password is required to have at least one non-alphanumeric character.
Teek held his hand up to his nose and snorted.
Teek: I was waiting for you to ask about that! The non-astromorphic part of the password is...
Teek turned dramatically and hovered his claw over the keypad.
Teek: ...a tiny little butthole.
And with a final swoosh of his finger, Teek finally pressed the asterisk key. To everyone's astonishment, the console accepted the password and flashed a message, "Awaiting verification code." At the same time, Teek's communicator beeped and he swatted Aire away, diving into the storage cubby on his console.
Teek: A message!
Aire staggered backward while Teek threw all of his personal effects out of the cubby and retrieved his communicator. Tapping enthusiastically at the screen, he began to read the message.
Teek: "Please enter this verification code to access..."
Teek gasped as he suddenly clutched his communicator tightly to his chest as though he just found out that someone emptied his bank account.
Teek: OH MY GOD! SOMEONE'S TRYING TO HACK INTO THE HELM!
Aire gritted his teeth and reached for the communicator.
Aire: Teek, nobody's hacking into the helm. Now give me that.
Teek clutched his communicator tighter and turned away.
Teek: No way! I have to give this to security! Security! Security!
Aire, remembering what Sorchae said before about humoring Teek in his current state, called Teren.
Aire: Teren, if you don't mind.
Teren trotted up to a still panicking Teek and grabbed the communicator from him, who now released it willingly. However, Teek continued to panic, yelling nonsense, while Aire paid him no mind now that he had what he needed.
Teek: It must be the evil Emperor Xur of the Ko-Dan Empire! He's broken through the frontier!
Teren: Commander, the code is 112-946.
Teek: He's going to steal the ship and run it up the Captain's butt!
Aire entered the code Teren provided and, to his profound relief, the console flashed the confirmation message, "Code accepted."
Ramei: We have full access now.
Teek: But that could only mean one thing. I must be...
Aire: Well, he did it. I suppose we should...
Try as he may to ignore Teek, all the shouting was continuously interrupting Aire's train of thought.
Teek: THE LAST STARFIGHTER!!!
From behind, Aire and Ramei heard a thud and the sound of snoring. Turning toward the source of the noise, they found Teek splattered on the ground with his tail sticking straight up into the air, asleep. Sorchae took this as her cue to intervene and began scanning him.
Teren: Would you like me to carry him back to his quarters, Commander?
Aire: As soon as the doctor gives the go-ahead, yes. I will accompany you.
While Sorchae examined Teek, Aire's communicator beeped. Wondering why anyone would ping his communicator while on the ship, he did not know, but he took it from his belt and found a message from the Captain. "Come to the ready room." Aire shrugged and crossed the bridge to Adell's ready room door. Upon entering, Aire found Adell behind his desk with a devilish grin on his face holding up a small data storage chip.
Adell: That is a good one for my collection!
Adell slotted the chip into a sleeve in a box filled with many more just like it.
Aire: Did you record that? Captain, you're not going to upload it somewhere public, are you?
Adell raised an eyebrow.
Adell: Public? Oh, no, that would be mean. I just want to remember these moments.
Adell reached into the box and pulled out two sleeves.
Adell: This one is from the time when Ramei sleepwalked naked right into the ship's cafeteria and ate an entire tray of cannolis. This other one is from the time Amenaru showed up for duty with a bullet vibrator secretly stashed up his butt. He'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't malfunctioned.
Aire was about to roll his eyes, but suddenly had a revelation.
Aire: Wait, there is a reprimand in Amenaru's file from about a year ago that was very cryptic. It just said he had an unauthorized device while on duty.
Adell nodded.
Adell: That's the one. I figured he'd been humiliated enough, so I kept the report a bit vague. The hardest part was writing it without laughing myself to death. So, you wanna see what it looks like when a suddenly-electrified nekohuman jumps eight feet straight up into the air?
Aire sighed and held his hand to his temple.
Aire: Yeah, sure.
Commissioned art in this episode from:
Jenova87
Zelbunnii
Less_End
Thatwildmary
Colourbrand
All city pictures from SimCity 4
