Carpathia IV: Episode 190 - Spacedad
Amenaru's Quarters, NCCS Shadowdancer-A
Amenaru sat up in his bed, legs spread wide and hands perched upon his knees, finally back in his quarters after two days in the recovery room. With Kit tending to some light duty, he was alone. A little dull, but Kit would be back soon and, as Kit told him, there was a lot of comm activity between Shadowdancer, the dragons, Polaris Deep. A bit of a mess, in his words.
His door chime rang. Kit was back early!
Amenaru: Kit, you don't need the door chime. Just come in!
The door did not open.
Aire: Amenaru, Commodore Amaranth has told me enough to know I should not enter if you think it's Kit.
Amenaru: Oh! Um...
Amenaru quickly checked himself. T-shirt. Underwear. Fuzzy slippers. Good enough.
Amenaru: Come in, Captain.
The door slid open, revealing the Captain as he stepped inside, the door sliding shut behind him.
Aire: Mind if I sit?
Amenaru: Not at all, Captain.
Aire gave him a kindly smile and, to Amenaru's surprise, did not take one of the chairs, but instead sat next to him on the bed.
Aire: How are you feeling?
A big question, which Amenaru acknowledged with a nod, but no words while he took time to think. There was much, including a great deal he couldn't even remember. To give him time, he started with the easiest part.
Amenaru: Physically, I'm doing alright. I'm mostly just sore and weak. I feel sleepy a lot of the time too. Dr. Teagan said that my new heart is functioning well. Pretty good for something put together hastily. You know, I haven't had a chance to thank the ones who worked on it. I'm not even sure who worked on it. I imagine Commander Calloway was a part of it.
Aire: That's right. Also, Ramei, Trex, Teek, and Sylvar.
Amenaru: That's quite a team. I should do something nice for them.
Aire: I know you went through a hellish ordeal when you met Bastet. I'll ask you again, how are you feeling?
No escaping it this time and he could already feel his eyes getting watery, as much as he tried to keep the emotions bottled up.
Amenaru: It's hard to say. I remember meeting Blue and Tiggy. I remember what I wanted to change when she sent me back. I was obviously able to make that change, but I don't remember any of it. That sketch feels like it was drawn by someone else. All the notes I made... They don't feel like mine. I can't even remember some of the parts with Tiggy. I don't know who this Guardian of Eternity is or that it was even mentioned. It's like part of my brain was simply erased.
Aire sat patiently, listening through Amenaru's rambling and long pauses. This pause was particularly long and he put his arm around Amenaru's shoulders, taking care not to squeeze, for fear of aggravating his injuries.
Amenaru: I read all my notes on what happened. I'm not sure I'm glad I went into so much detail, but everything else makes sense. I haven't told anyone this. Not even Kit. I do remember something of that alternate life. I remember how I felt. The crippling loneliness. Worthlessness. I don't remember what my dad said, but I do remember the disgust and disappointment in his eyes.
Throughout it all, Amenaru's sniffles intensified and he leaned in more to Aire's chest.
Amenaru: The worst part is that it all felt so normal at the same time.
From there, Amenaru could speak no more, finally completely consumed by his tears. While he held Amenaru, he thought back to something Commodore Amaranth once told him. "Don't ever forget to pay attention to what's happening right in front of you." It was a slow journey figuring out what Adell meant. For all the adventures out in space and on unexplored planets, it's easy to miss the adventures going on inside of each of us. Out in the darkness, light years away from any other living thing, for weeks at a time, all they had was each other. And then it finally clicked.
I am spacedad.
And then, he thought, even though he'd already decided to make himself more accessible, he decided he needed to do more to that effort. While he pondered, Amenaru stirred, slowly pulling himself away.
Amenaru: Sorry, Captain. I think I messed up your uniform.
Aire looked down, and indeed there was a wet spot on his chest. He looked back at Amenaru and shook his head with a smile.
Aire: No apology necessary, Amenaru.
Amenaru: I'm not sure if this is going to make any sense, but one thing I've learned is that sometimes the wrong decision is the right one. By any standard, I should never have started on drugs, but still, that decision has lead me to the life I have now. It may be the only reason I have the life I have now. I used to have regret. I thought "What if?" every day. Now, I don't think I'd have it any other way.
This surprised Aire, something he hadn't considered, but what Amenaru said did, in fact, make sense and Aire gazed upon him with respect. There was indeed some wisdom in that horny little body of his.
Aire: That does make sense, actually. I don't know if anyone ever gets their "What if" answered but you did and I think you have the right thinking on it. Now, I suppose you'd like to know why I'm here.
Amenaru: Oh, not checking up on me?
Aire: I would have done that anyway, but I do have something else. The Shadowdancer has been invited to Blue's funeral. You're welcome to come, of course, but we'll be passing close by Andrast on the way and if you'd like to go home for awhile, I can arrange that. It's not like you're going to be on any duty for awhile anyway. I'll allow Kit to go with you if you both want that. You don't have to give me an answer right now. We have a couple of days before we will have to make a decision to divert. I'm still getting details but it seems that a full dragon funeral lasts a couple of months and Admiral Zhang wants Shadowdancer to be there for all of it. That'd give you a lot of recovery time.
Amenaru: I'll have to talk to Kit first, but I'm interested. I feel like I've said my goodbyes to Blue already.
Aire: That's probably because you did.
Amenaru: I suppose I did. Strange that I know it was real but it kind of feels like it wasn't.
Aire stood and turned back around to face Amenaru.
Aire: If you're up to it, care for a trip to the bridge? Everyone will be there and I hope you will be too. Poor Darius has been waiting for days to see me, but I've been held up in meetings.
Amenaru: I'll go! Dr. Teagan says I should get up and around. I hope you don't mind that I'll be a little slow. There's just one problem.
Aire: What's that?
Amenaru: I can't stand up. It's hard enough with the chest wound but I've been busting for a pee for the last hour and every time I try to stand, I nearly wet myself.
Aire could barely suppress his giggles and scooted over next to Amenaru to help him stand up. With a gentle hoist, Amenaru was on his feet.
Aire: I'll just wait outside if you like.
Amenaru: Anywhere you like, Captain. I'll only be a minute.
Bridge, NCCS Shadowdancer-A
When the lift doors opened, Aire held out his hand and stepped aside, awaiting Amenaru to exit first. Ambling slowly onto the bridge, Amenaru was greeted with applause from all present, including Admiral Zhang, prominently hovering over the front of the bridge on the viewscreen.
Admiral Zhang: Excellent. That appears to be everyone. Shall we get started?
Aire: Ready when you are, Admiral. Go right ahead while I steer Amenaru to his chair.
And steer Aire did, matching Amenaru's plodding pace while Admiral Zhang began speechifying.
Admiral Zhang: Lieutenant Pendergast, you engaged in probably one of the most unusual missions anyone in the Exploration Force has undertaken. An impromptu mission, but a mission nonetheless. We're all very happy you're still with us.
Aire helped Amenaru down into his chair just as Admiral Zhang finished.
Amenaru: Thank you, Admiral. It's good to be back.
Admiral Zhang: Most importantly, you kept your presence of mind to immediately sketch and write what you experienced before you forgot. Valuable information that would have been lost if you hadn't. I understand even Ryuu couldn't access those memories.
Ryuu: All bets are off when it comes to the Guardian of Eternity, Admiral.
Admiral Zhang: Indeed. As such, I'm entering an official commendation into your file, with unanimous support of the Admiralty, along with...
Admiral Zhang's brow furrowed while she gave an uncomfortably long pause.
Admiral Zhang: All this other stuff in your file, evidently. I've never read your file before, but I think I'll just leave good enough alone.
Barely concealed giggles permeated the bridge while Admiral Zhang quickly, and thankfully for Amenaru, moved on.
Admiral Zhang: Cadet Darius Khai Bengal!
Darius, just finishing up his giggles, suddenly snapped to attention, standing up stiff and straight.
Darius: Yes, Admiral!
Admiral Zhang: Dr. Teagan has told me of how you kept Amenaru mostly alive on the runabout and how you performed beyond any ability expected of you.
Darius: Yes, Admiral! Thank you, Admiral!
Admiral Zhang: For your quick thinking under duress, we award you the Emerald Star, an honor never before bestowed upon a cadet in the history of the Exploration Force. You earned it.
Darius, flushed with excitement and tail swirling back and forth, did not notice Dr. Teagan approaching from behind with a little box and he gave a little jump and a yelp when he finally caught sight of her. Sorchae removed the medal and affixed it to his chest.
Sorchae: Congratulations, Cadet Bengal.
With that, the bridge broke out into applause, with Amenaru giving the most appreciative, open-mouthed smile.
Commissioned art in this episode from:
AvareonArt
Zelbunnii
Less_End
Thatwildmary
Colourbrand
Falke2009
